Love Languages Simplified: For Better Relationships & Self Love.

Posted by Alyssia Webb on

There are five known archetypes for communicating love. For most of us, we understand that love is a complex and sometimes overwhelming feeling. We may also struggle to understand what love is in practice. Knowing love languages helps us to understand ourselves and each other better. A love language is a way to communicate our loving feelings through actions.

 
The 5 Love languages 
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Acts of Service
  • Quality Time
  • Physical Touch
  • Gifts
 
Words of affirmation are about expressing affection through words, praise, or affirmations. When this is someone's primary language of love, they want to feel seen. You can make this person's day brighter by:
  •  Sending cute text messages
  • Complementing them
  • Tell them what you love about them.
  • Point out what they're good at
 

Acts of service is about expressing love through service. The person who has a love language like this one likes for you to do things that make their life easier. This person wants to feel valued. Take time and think about this person's pain points and find ways to make life easier.

You can do things like:
  • Make their morning coffee
  • Help them with paperwork
  • Run an errand for them.
  • Send them DoorDash.
  • Cook them dinner
 

Quality time is what it sounds like. A person who enjoys quality time as a love language wants to spend time with you. This person wants you and them to be the focal point. This person wants to feel cherished. Employing this love language would mean going out for a romantic evening.Staying home and watching a movie together. Enjoying each other's company is a powerful love act for this person. It doesn't have to be something super extravagant, it has to be thoughtful.

 

Physical touch as a love language is very easy to express. This person enjoys physical contact. This person wants to feel connected. This can be done in many fun and romantic ways. For platonic relationships, it can be a hug, holding hands, a high five, or a reassuring shoulder tap.

For more intimate relationships it can be massage, sex, kissing, or cuddling. The thing to remember is that it doesn't have to be complicated. Small touches throughout the day are as effective as planning an elaborate outing.
 

Gifts! The expression of this love language is generosity. This person wants to feel understood so, this love language a bit more effort. It's not as simple as walking into a store and buying the most expensive item, be thoughtful. You can express this love language by buying things that remind you of them. Gifts come in many forms and for them, pleasure comes from seeing how well you know them.

 

How To Use The 5 Love Languages in Self Love.

 
Loving yourself is by far the most important thing that you could ever do for yourself in this lifetime. Loving yourself makes it easier to love others. If you are on a journey of self-love, then it is likely that you will use all of them.
 

Self-Love vs Self-Care.

Self-love and self-care are often assumed to be the same thing but they are not. A person can use the tools of self-care and not love themselves. Whereas it is impossible to love yourself and not use tools of self-care. I define self-love as radical love. It is the act of being yourself.
 
You love yourself by using every love language. Using words of affirmation, you speak love over yourself every day. Be sure to create affirmations that are meaningful to your life. You can uncover these affirmations by spending quality time with yourself.

For example, If you are struggling with anxiety, create affirmations for a clear mind. You'd say things like "I am capable and competent", " I can do whatever I need to do in my life" and "My heart and mind are clear."

 

Spending quality time with yourself is the key to creating sustainable self-love. Here's is where you learn to separate yourself from others. You learn what you think and feel about everything.

During the quality time, you uncover your hurts and find your truth. The process of finding your truth is an act of service. What you uncover during this quality time empowers your affirmations.

 
Create acts of service to yourself by pursuing your passions and desires. You show up for yourself, you reaffirm what you know to be true about yourself, you shut down the lies.

You find ways to make your life better, every day. You create routines to give yourself a sense of structure and discipline. These routines also make it easier for you to live your life.

 
One of these routines can be physical touch. Slow down and take time to consciously wash your body. Explore your body with love, using affirmations if need be. Use tools like self-massage to enhance your self-love while learning to be present.
 
All of these things result in greater self-love if used daily. If you struggle with these tools, ask yourself why? Be honest with the answer. Self-love requires work and practice. Remember that you deserve it.
 

Make The Love Languages Part Of Your Day:

  • Look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I love you."
  • Choose and Repeat an Affirmation while brushing your teeth.
  • Take your time with washing yourself by consciously washing every part of your body.
  • Oil/Lotion Your body down taking time to gently massage your arms, belly, thighs, legs, and feet.
  • Set your morning routine up before bed.
  • Clean and organize your room.
  • Automate Your bills and savings account.
  • Buy yourself new clothes/shoes/books.
  • Take a walk.
  • Schedule A daily Nap.
  • Start a Business.
  • Do something creative (paint, draw, dance, write)
  • Meditate.
  • Journal.
  • Go To Therapy.
  • Learn a New Skill.
  • Cook For yourself.
  • Take Yourself on a date.
  • Do shadow work. 

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